Did I Used To Be Interesting?

When I was going to TEMPLE UNIVERSITY I used to send myself emails a lot. Whenever I had an idea I would email it to myself. A lot of them don’t make a whole lot of sense anymore. I was going through them this morning and I found this letter I wrote to myself in the future on August 16th, 2006. Here:

“If you are reading this, you are from the future and I am from the past. If you are not reading this, it does not concern you. My name is Jonathan Swift, the famous writer. I am writing in honesty for the first time in my life now. I am on vacation with my grandparents. We are at the beach in New Jersey for the weekend.
“The New Jersey beachside condominium where we are is on the second floor. It is literally RIGHT ON THE BEACH. Seriously. It is eight Pm and I am sitting on the back deck, overlooking the ocean. Gramah and Grampah are both asleep. I can hear them snoring through the sliding glass door as I sit on the white plastic furniture with my apple juice, looking at the waves. Aside from making things out of words, I have very few other hobbies other than my HAM RADIO, of course. Father and I built it together before the war.”

And that is all there was. I sort of like this but not really. Sometimes I’m led to believe that I was, at one time, very interesting and that I am now quite boring. This story does not represent this phenomenon as well as when people simply remind me of things from 2003. They say, “Remember when you used to talk about photosynthesis and robot doctors and eunics sabatoging the galaxy with their impotent, mild-mannered hatred?” and I say “KIND OF. WHAT KIND OF BAGEL SHOULD I GET?” Now all I think about is

“I CAN’T DECIDE IF ROOTBEER IS BETTER THAN GINGERALE. THEN AGAIN, WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO DECIDED? EACH IS GOOD IN THEIR OWN WAY.”

“DOES THIS SHIRT NEED TO BE IRONED? NO. I GUESS NOT. NO.”

“I BELIEVE THAT ‘THE FAMILY GUY’ TAKES ITS IRONIC RACISM TOO FAR.”

(Photograph of Jonathan Swift)