FAMOUS SCIENCE

Very recently, I came across an AMAZING british television show called “Look Around You”. It’s a parody of educational shows from the 1970’s and 80’s. I’m relatively certain that I am the last person to ever hear about this, unless that person is you. Here:

It reminds me very much of an idea for a television show that Matt Borda and I had a few years ago. We wrote ideas and had planned on shooting it but, like many of the ideas that I find myself involved in, it just never came to fruition. The show was to be called “The Alphabetical Universe” and would star Matt as a scientist called “Doctor Hypothesis” and me as “Aristotle”. Every week we would tackle a different aspect of science. The pilot was to be about “The Difference Between Fruits and Vegetables.”

Doctor Hypothesis would say, “Everything that humans eat can be divided into three categories: Fruits, Vegetables, and Meats.”
The primary way that we discern between fruits and vegetables is that fruit flavors can be made into candy, whereas vegetable flavors can be made into soup. We were going to film a commercial for a product called “Campbell’s Banana-Flavored Chubby Soup”, at the conclusion of which, a man would hold the hair of the beautiful woman who has eaten it while she vomits into a toilet. I wanted to get a famous football player to be the man in the commercial, like DONAVON MCNNAB. The role of the woman would be played by one of the coked-up Olsen twins.
I do believe, however, that this show is one thousand times better than ours would have been. This probably has a great deal to do with the fact that it was made by BRITISH PEOPLE.

And now some short person notes:
* Tomorrow I’m going to try and make a light-box out of an old suit-case. IT’S GUY STUFF.

* Tonight, while I was walking up stairs, my mother offered me two consecutive high-fives, without any explanation whatsoever. I think she may have been tipsy. Or she was just being comradely about the fact that she and I, by way of tandem guess-work throughout the day, figured out today’s “EXPRESS TIMES CROSSWORD PUZZLE”.

* Sunday I will meet Scott and Abbey near a lake of some kind. Last week we were going to go there but it was too thundery. Also during that time my father warned me, saying, “Huh.. Well, I HOPE YOU KNOW that the lake you’re talking about is frequently closed due to POLLUTION!”